Across the UK, thousands of parents and carers are balancing employment with caring responsibilities. For many of us, work is more than income - it is identity, connection, and purpose. It is also one of the few places where adults can experience a sense of belonging beyond their caring role.

When caring becomes all-consuming, isolation can creep in quietly. Work can offer community, structure, and connection - but only when workplaces are designed in ways that recognise the realities of caring. When they are not, work becomes another place where carers feel they do not quite fit.

I write from two perspectives: as someone who has worked alongside carers through my former role with the UK-wide charity Contact, which supports families with disabled children, and as a parent carer (and carer of a parent) myself. My family life, like many others, involves appointments, assessments, school meetings, emotional labour, and the constant mental planning that sits behind everyday routines. None of this appears on a payslip or HR system, but it shapes our ability to work, contribute, and stay well.

Over the years, I’ve seen how much difference it makes when employers move beyond statements of support and begin to put meaningful, practical measures in place. In Northern Ireland, where caring responsibilities are closely linked to economic inactivity, these approaches are particularly relevant for employers seeking to retain experienced staff and build inclusive workplaces.

The reality behind the word “carer”

“Carer” is a simple word that covers complex situations. Two families may both have caring responsibilities, but their daily lives may look entirely different.

For some, caring is predictable and routine. For others, it is unpredictable, crisis-driven, and emotionally exhausting. A child or young person may be unable to attend school, experience trauma, struggle with sensory environments, or require constant supervision. Even when they are physically elsewhere, the mental load remains with the carer.

This is why traditional ideas of “flexibility” do not always reflect real life. A carer may not need occasional time off, they may need work patterns that acknowledge ongoing uncertainty, fluctuating capacity, and periods of overwhelm. Good employers recognise this and respond with trust rather than suspicion.

From policy language to lived experience

In recent years, there has been positive progress in how organisations talk about carers in the workplace. Policies now mention reasonable adjustments, flexible working, and wellbeing. These are welcome steps, but many parents tell me that implementation still varies widely.

What most carers describe valuing is not a single policy, but a relational approach:

• a manager who listens and tries to understand

• permission to talk openly without fear of judgement

• flexibility shaped around real circumstances rather than rigid rules

• consistency, so support is not dependent on one sympathetic individual

The most effective support is not transactional. It is relational, compassionate, and rooted in trust.

In my own working life, I was fortunate to have a manager who would pause, listen, and gently ask, “What do you need?” Those moments of trust and understanding made it possible for me to remain in work during some very challenging periods. At the same time, I often found it hard to answer honestly. Like many carers, I worried about letting people down, appearing unreliable, or not being “enough”. The emotional tension between coping and asking for support is real - and it is rarely visible in HR data or attendance records.

When carers feel trusted and supported in this way, something important happens in return. The relationship becomes reciprocal rather than transactional. Many carers I’ve spoken with echoed my own experience of developing a deep sense of loyalty to employers and managers who “see” them as whole people. We go above and beyond where we can, not out of obligation, but out of gratitude and connection. Positive, compassionate management is not a soft extra, it is a workforce strength that supports retention, motivation, and long-term commitment.

Trauma-informed thinking can be helpful here. When families live with uncertainty, stress, or repeated challenges, our capacity can fluctuate. A trauma-informed workplace asks, “What does this person need in order to stay included and able to contribute?” rather than “Why can’t they keep up in the same way as everyone else?”

What meaningful action can look like

From conversations with employers, practitioners, and carers, several practical approaches consistently make a difference:

1. Flexible working that adapts over time
   Not just fixed arrangements, but ongoing conversations that recognise circumstances change.

2. Understanding that absence is not lack of commitment
   Many carers are deeply committed workers, but their capacity may vary week-to-week.

3. Safe spaces for disclosure
   Carers are more likely to share their situation when they feel psychologically safe.

4. Recognition of emotional labour
   Caring is not only practical, it carries emotional weight that impacts energy and resilience.

5. Opportunities to contribute meaningfully
   With the right flexibility, carers often bring creativity, problem-solving, empathy, and perseverance… skills developed through lived experience.

One small but meaningful step in my own workplace was initiating a carers’ affinity group, a space where colleagues with caring responsibilities could come together, share experiences, and feel seen. The group did not solve every challenge, but it created connection, validation, and mutual understanding. For many participants, simply knowing they were not alone made a significant difference. Experiences like this remind me that when carers are supported to speak and connect, they not only feel valued, but they also strengthen the organisations they are part of.

These approaches benefit not only carers but workplaces themselves, helping retain skilled staff, strengthen wellbeing, and build inclusive cultures. They also speak directly to wider conversations about workforce participation and economic inactivity.

Why lived experience matters in policy conversations

Carers’ voices are still too often missing from research, consultation, and programme design. When policymakers and organisations engage directly with carers, through conversations, workshops, or storytelling, the picture becomes richer, more honest, and more grounded in reality.

Front-line experience does not replace research or data, it deepens it. It reveals barriers people face not in theory, but in daily life, and it highlights what support genuinely makes a difference.

I have seen how powerful it can be when parent carers are invited into these conversations with respect, sensitivity, and care. When we feel heard, we are not only contributors, but we also become partners in shaping solutions.

Looking ahead

Supporting carers at work is not just a wellbeing issue; it is a workforce issue, a social justice issue, and a policy issue. When carers are enabled to remain in meaningful employment, the benefits extend to families, communities, employers, and society as a whole.

The challenge, and the opportunity, is to keep moving from good intentions to meaningful action: building workplaces where trust, compassion, and flexibility are understood as core conditions for a resilient and inclusive workforce. When carers are supported, workplaces gain loyalty, stability, and commitment.

Ellie Goff is a freelance practitioner, parent carer and social-enterprise lead (Founder & Managing Director, Wellies-On CIC; formerly Business Development Manager at Contact).

Ellie writes from the perspective of both practitioner and lived experience. As the founder and Managing Director of Wellies-On CIC, an OT led and trauma-informed care farm in Essex, she brings an employer’s view, as well as direct experience of supporting families through commissioned parent-carer programmes with Essex County Council. She is also formerly a Business Development Manager at Contact, the national charity for families with disabled children.